Game 55: Kay Miller - Tropical Crab Louie

When Staples Center opened in 1999, its front entrance fixed a problem that had plagued in-city stadium designs for decades: Where do people hang out before and after the game? The Forum was a parking lot party, but Staples Center fixed that by creating an open area called Star Plaza for fans to congregate. The only problem. Where were the stars?

That was fixed in 2002 when Staples Center unveiled a statue of NHL legend Wayne Gretzky. But the real star of the show was unveiled in 20004 when a giant 17 foot bronze statue of Magic Johnson leading a fast break was installed. This statue, like all the other Laker (and Kings) statues to follow were all designed by one American-Israeli family of sculptors, the Rotblatt-Amrany family: Omri, his wife Julie, and their son Isatar. 

Omri and Julie first became famous to NBA fans after Michael Jordan’s first retirement, when they won the right to build the United Center’s now iconic statue of a dunking Michael Jordan. After the Amrany’s created a statue of Magic Johnson at Michigan State University, they started a long relationship with AEG and the Buss family to begin creating bronze captures of Laker legends. They’ve since done six Lakers: Magic Johnson, Shaquille O’Neal, Jerry West, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Elgin Baylor, and announcer Chick Hearn. A bust of WNBA Hall of Famer Lisa Leslie has been announced as well. And the only question about the inevitable Kobe Bryant statue is “Which one of his moves will the bronze Kobe be doing?” My money is on his fadeaway.

In honor of the talented Rotblatt-Amrany’s, I’ll be taking a look at each statue and giving them my personal ranking. This isn’t a list of worst to first, since they’re all beautiful pieces of art that enhance the character of Staples Center, even if you just happen to be walking by during the off-season. Instead, I’ll be taking into consideration the context of each statue and how accurately the artists captured that exact millisecond of time in bronze and steel. Caveat emptor: I’ve never taken an art history class, so I don’t have any fucking idea what I’m talking about.

#6 Chick Hearn

Here’s what I love about the Chick Hearn statue: It’s interactive. It’s like all those lights at LACMA. Next to Chick is a seat where you can sit down and pretend you’re Stu Lantz, exasperated about a call the refs made 4 minutes ago.

Here’s what I don’t love: Everything else. While Omri and Julie got Chick face’s right, I don’t quite understand the body. Is he doing the robot? Why is he so stiff? I also think the decision to make Chick’s statue larger than life hurts the photo ops. Unless you’re Shaq-sized, anyone who sits next to Chick looks proportionally out of whack. Ironic, considering that this is the only Laker statue where the person’s physicality shouldn’t have been exaggerated for the design.

#5 Elgin Baylor
This 16’9” statue by Omri and Tillery, the latest to be dedicated back in 2018, is very impressive from a technical standpoint. The artists included multiple hands/arms/feet/basketballs to make it look like Baylor is forever rising above the basket for a lay-up, significant as he was one of the first players to play above the rim. But from a purely artistic approach, it makes Baylor look like a mutant. They did nail his facial features of a young Baylor though. 

I also like the piece as it was an olive branch from the Lakers organization to Baylor, who infamously retired during the 1971-1972 season, the year that the Lakers ripped off a record 33 straight wins and finally won a championship in Los Angeles. Baylor never returned to the organization and instead served as general manager of the crosstown rival Clippers for almost 25 years. Following a disputed voluntary exit/firing, Baylor unsuccessfully sued Clippers owner Donald Sterling for race and age discrimination. With this statue -- along with his retired #22 -- Omri and Tillery ensured that his place in Lakers history would never be forgotten by the younger generations of fans

#4 Magic Johnson

Until the Kobe Bryant statue is finally installed, the Magic Johnson statue will remain the #1 photo op outside of Staples Center. Like the rest of the pieces, Magic’s jersey has a special effect on the patina that gives it a Forum Gold color that contrasts nicely with the bronze finish. I love how Magic, 17 feet tall in this instance, bursts out of the base at a 45 degree angle. The artists, Omri and Gary Tillery, really captured the forward momentum of Showtime basketball that revolutionized the league and left opposing defenses winded.

Here’s what misses the mark. The face is… a little off? It doesn’t quite look like the young afro’d Magic of 1980 or the slightly chubbier Magic of his 1991 retirement or his 1996 comeback. The Rotblatt-Amrany’s would absolutely nail the faces of their later statues, but this one and the MSU Magic statue suffered from the same problem. I’m also not the biggest fan of the bursting base, which has four abstract objects that the artists say represent his achievements in the NCAA, the NBA, All-Star Games, and the Olympics. It reminds me of Wrigley Field’s Harry Caray statue -- sculpted by, who else? Omri! --  where it looks like he’s being pulled into hell by a pack of ravenous ghouls who have really strong opinions about Al’s Beef vs Portillo’s.

#3 Jerry West

Omri and Julie nailed this statue, which is both a tribute to Jerry West and the NBA logo he inspired. West was an incredible offensive machine who put up Kobe Bryant-type scoring numbers with Kobe Bryant-esque tenacity. But because his exploits are mostly preserved in black and white film -- or because anyone under 45 envisions a grey-haired old man when they think of Jerry West -- we tend to forget his style of play. This statue, which the Amrany’s revealed is only 500lbs compared to the 2,500lb-3,000lb Magic statue, portrays West as a muscular mythical Greek God. A Zeke from Cabin Creek God.

#2 Shaquille O'Neal

This is just an incredible statue. Starting with his college days when he would literally shatter backboards and destroy baskets, Shaq two-hand dunking is an image that’s seared into all NBA fans of a certain age. But how to capture that in a statue? Omri and Julie took on that challenge and exceeded all expectations with this dunking Shaq statue installed into Staples Center itself about 20 feet off the ground. Like the man himself, the statue is larger than life. 

You gotta watch the dedication ceremony below. Joined by Kobe Bryant and Phil Jackson on stage and many of his 1996-2004 teammates in the audience, Shaq spends the whole time busting balls and telling stories about their playing days. He also thanks Jerry West “for allowing me to punch people in the face” and tells Kobe that they’ll be back soon for his statue dedication. At least the dynamic duo got to see Kobe get his number retired, something that normally happens after a Hall of Fame induction, several months after Kobe’s final game.

The only reason this isn’t the #1? It’s too high! I understand that they didn’t want people to hang on Shaq’s size 22s for legal and safety reasons. But it’s so high up that you kind of lose the sense of Shaq’s bigness. I want to do shoe pull-ups underneath Shaq’s gigantic ass!

#1 Kareem Abdul-Jabbar

Several decades after Omri, an Israeli, and Julie, an American, fell in love at a sculpting school in an Italian town where all the famous Renaissance sculptors got their stone, the family completed their best piece. The artists have said that they want to capture “the 4th dimension” of these athletes, combining a millisecond of space and time to be enshrined forever outside Staples Center. And they nailed it with this piece of Kareem shooting his signature skyhook, a shot that was primarily responsible for his record 24,176 points.

They also had some help. “He was pretty clear on what he was looking for, so there was more dialogue with [Kareem] than with other sculptures,” said Julie about their collaboration with the Showtime Lakers’ captain. They also had input from the Lakers, who recommended that the artists add the signature goggles Kareem started wearing in the mid-1970s. But my favorite part of this statue, designed by Omri, Julie, and Isatar, is the burst of energy exploding out of the base. The artists said that intended to convey that Kareem was someone “who broke through the wall of society and created an image for himself.” He may have gotten a statue for his contributions on the court, but that little touch reminds people of the man off the court: The writer, activist, actor, and intellectual.

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Tropical Crab Louie

2 cups crab meat

1 cup pineapple, diced

½ cup celery, diced

¼ cup onions (green preferred)

½ cup salad dressing (to taste)

1 head lettuce

Combine all ingredients (except lettuce). Add salt and pepper. Toss with salad dressing. Served chilled on lettuce.

“½ cup salad dressing.” That’s how “renowned artist” Kay Miller, as she described herself, wrote her recipe for Crab Louie. Crab Louie is a very specific type of salad. There’s no way I was going to go through all this trouble only to pour Italian dressing over my first crab louie. So I copied this dressing for a more authentic dish… And It tasted like a slightly elevated Thousand Island dressing on top of three very disparate ingredients. This tropical Crab Louie wasn’t as bad as I thought it’d be, one of the highest compliments a Goldstein and Gasol recipe can get. It was more or less coleslaw with a pineapple every now and then. Your mileage may vary pending on your combined enjoyment of crab, pineapple, and celery.